As You Pause

The wind blows, the water falls, 

the fire rages, the earth quakes. 

Life is forever different. You are forever altered. 

The siren blares, crushed bodies,
 twisted metal, broken glass. 

Life is forever different. You are forever altered. 

To stretch across the land to lend a helping hand. 

You begin to reach out, but how far can one arm stretch? Together we can extend ourselves 
over land and across the sea. 
Outside yourself you step
To those in pain, fear, and need. 

You rushed toward the hurt to give comfort, hope, 

an opportunity to begin again and heal. 

What you found is that now your heart and life are 

forever different. You are forever altered.

For this, you wipe a tear and thank God profoundly,
 as you pause and kneel.

Making, Taking, Never Forsaking

Observations worth making

Time worth taking 

Promises made, worth keeping, never forsaking

Togetherness, enough of it there isn't, without you, my heart starts aching

I love you with my whole heart

Any other truth, I never want you believing

The depth and sincerity of my love, you should never be mistaking 

Convictions running deep in my bones, these things I will not be shaking

Notice without being told

Use your time with care

Hold your loved ones near

When you believe, believe fully

Forward It Goes

       Time, it never stops...Forward it goes.

Sometimes it feels like it speeds up adding to our anxiety.....

 stacking up our woes.

You feel like screaming, "Stop, please, give me a break!!"

Just wait a minute, maybe a second, three, or four.

In the end, you might as well be speaking to the wall or.....

 that large oak door,

For the clock has only hands, it cannot lend an ear.

Forward it goes without ceasing.

Time, let it flow, you can pause and rest, 

allow the seconds to fly.

To rest or play is valuable use of that time.

Never forget, it is not necessary, every moment, to be on display.

Don't let the passing of time to cause you to hang your head,

release a sigh, and ask over and over again,

"Why?"  "Why?"

Time, forward it goes,

but peace, it waits, for you, for me.

Next time you reach out to stop time and it gets away......

Let it go free; instead remind yourself that peace waits......Take a knee. 

The Path I Choose

The path I choose to walk, I do not walk alone. 
He holds my hand and guides my feet around 
every rut and every stone.

The path I choose to walk was made with me in mind, every detail tailored personally, entirely by design.

The path I choose to walk is often steep and many times narrow. Because He watches over me through trouble deep and long, I remain good, amazingly better than fine.

The path I choose to walk, it has purpose, direction and it belongs to no one else, it is all mine. I have things to do, to accomplish and conquer bravely. I can do it, with confidence, not because I think I am special or I am particularly grand. It's because the one who hung the stars, He holds my hand.

What May Come Epilogue

"Is this the one, Papa?"  "That's exactly right. Thank you son, you're an excellent assistant."   Jenny came out on the front porch with a tiny bundle sleeping in her arms. "How's it going out here?"

"We almost finished, Mommy, do you think she likes it? "  Thad looked at his newborn daughter sleeping like an angel. "I'll tell you what, Michael, when she wakes up, we will ask your sister what she thinks."  This satisfied three year old Michael. He smiled with pleasure and wandered into the house to play with his trains.

Rachel walked up the steps, "Hey, looking good, I see you have added your latest addition."  "Just finished." Thad returned the screw driver to the tool box. The Hollingsworth family sign, hung with  love, had once again, grown by one. Sarah came skipping out the front door and let out a little squeal. Rachel gave her little cousin a tight hug and asked, "How is my special girl today?"  "I'm a happy girl today; did you see our sign?" She pulled Rachel by the hand for a closer look. 

"This says, The Hollingsworth Family." Pointing carefully, "Thad and Jenny, that's mommy and papa ....under it, that's me, Sarah. This is Michael and papa hung this one today, Is-a-bella." Sarah sounded it out, proud to be a big sister and proud that she could read it all by herself. She smiled wide revealing her missing tooth. 

It was the biggest accomplishment of her six year old life. She was a reader! She leaned forward pulling Rachel down to her level. "Did you know that papa gave mommy this sign so she would marry him?"  "Really?"  "Yes, he gave her this sign, and our house, and a shiny ring and his heart." She cupped her tiny hand over Rachel's ear, "Mommy says that was her favorite part, his heart."  Rachel flashed Jenny a questioning look. By way of explanation, "At breakfast, Sarah asked me how Thad and I met." "Oh, I see." They exchanged knowing smiles. Little Sarah popped up like a sprite, "Grandma and Grandpa are here and look, Nana and Pops. And they brought the pizza!"

Sunday dinner was a time when the Carmichael and the Hollingsworth families gathered as the tribe they were; ever growing, ever loving, and never silent. The house nearly burst at the seams, but there was always room for one more. As the hustle and bustle to set the table and lay out the food went on around them, two young boys stood looking out the large picture window that gave a spectacular view of the back yard. Thomas stood unseen, but listening intently to the priceless conversation taking place. Michael stood with his arm around his cousin, Niccolo. At two and a half, he was the younger of the pair. Michael took a deep breath, just like his mother always did. Thomas bit his lip, so he wouldn't laugh. "Now Niccolo, I will 'splain it one more time....the tree next to the swings is an apple tree; that is Sarah's. Papa says she is the apple of his eye. He planted it when she was borned. The tree by the pond is an almond tree and that one belongs to me. Papa says I'm his little nut with a big smile and busy feet.  And the little one, waaay out there, is a peach tree. Papa just planted that one for Isabella, because she is his sweet peach. Papa says that is what the best families are made of, fruits and nuts. Understand now?"  Niccolo had listened to every word, then he said, "Uh huh, we all fwuits and nuts."  Michael patted his cousin on the shoulder, "Yes, yes, good job." 
                         
                           "Dinner is ready, come and get it!" 

An orderly stampede followed. Thomas made his way to the table, smiling as he went. As Thad stood cradling Isabella in his arms, he took in the scene before him, his heart full with the abundant blessings that surrounded him. In a split second, his mind drifted back to when he first met Jenny and to their first book. To think that now, he is holding their third child and the bookshelves in their office are heavy laden with awards proving to everyone what they knew from the beginning: They were a team made in heaven. Jenny walked up and gently touched Thad's elbow to bring him into the present. Looking down into those beautiful brown eyes of hers, he said, "Thank you."  Jenny simply asked, "For?"  "For being like no other woman."

What May Come Part 6

Life settled into a new normal. Long walks in the fresh 
snow became a habit. Walking and talking, planning 
and dreaming. They spent time with family, fostering relationships. 

As it turned out, Thad was great with kids and animals. 
Her family did the best imitation of crazy glue she had ever seen.....instantly bonding with him, never to let go. 

He went to ball games and played squash with her brothers. He and Scott had impromptu jam sessions with Thad on the harmonica and Scott on piano, trumpet, or sax. Her mother treated Thad exactly like one of her sons, expecting him to take out the trash and she made all his favorite foods....equal treatment. As for Jenny's dad, he and Thad spent hours in conversation, never seeming to run out of things to say, to debate, or to laugh about. 

Jenny began to form a bond with Thad's Uncle, for whom he was named. A man of great wealth and professional success. 
A man that had struggled his whole life with interpersonal relationships, with the exception of his late wife. 

The family watched, as Jenny blew life into the embers of his heart. He laughed and told stories of his childhood, became more tactile in general, and displayed a peace, never before evident. It was for this reason, in addition to her multiplied qualities, that the Hollingsworth family, as a whole, opened their hearts to Jenny without reservation.

Jenny and Thad worked together to create the vision of Jenny's dreams, satisfy the publisher, and highlight the essence of Thad's artistry.

The day for the launch party had come at long last; there would be no turning back now. In living color, their work could be held in their hands. It was a moment to be savored. Surreal. Wonderful. Once a dream, now a reality.

For the occasion, Jenny chose a sky blue dress with a playful flared skirt. Her pumps were suede in perfectly matching sky blue. She wore the teardrop sapphire earrings Thad had given her for her birthday this year and the silver chain necklace her father had given her for her eighteenth. 

Wrapping paper, torn and tossed, lay on her bed. Thad had sent her a box of tissue and a tube of waterproof mascara. The card he sent with it said, "I wouldn't change a thing."

Jenny came sailing out the door as Thad came around the front of the car. "What are you doin', my brown eyed girl? I thought I was coming up to get you."  "I know, I couldn't wait, I'm so excited."

She leapt into his arms and he twirled her in a circle. They both laughed with abandon. Putting her down, Thad spun her around with one hand, taking in her beauty. He thought she looked adorably professional. In his charcoal grey suit and his royal blue satin tie, with matching pocket square, he looked positively irresistible. "Let the evening begin." Thad said, as he brushed his lips against hers, then taking her delicate hand, he helped her into the car. 

The turnout was much larger than expected and the response from critics and presales were overwhelming in positive, enthused affirmation. Their plan to become a permanent team appeared more than possible. 

Standing back in a corner, watching Thad work the crowd, leaving smiles in his wake, Jenny thought how glad she was they had done this together. As the whirlwind of the evening calmed and Thad and Jenny said their goodbyes, they each took a deep breath.

Jenny was thinking, "I am so glad this night happened and I'm so glad it is over."  Thad took a deep breath as he thought, "I hope this goes well, I've never been so nervous in my life."

They drove along in comfortable silence until Jenny 
noticed they had missed their turn. "Thad, you missed it." 
"Missed what?" "Our turn, you missed it."

"Oh, I'm sorry,  didn't I tell you?  Uncle Richard asked me to swing by to check on the house. He has to be out of town another week and the painters came today. He wants me to see that it was done right." Jenny felt a little perturbed, "Thad, it's nearly midnight. How are you going to properly see how it looks at night? Why don't you wait until tomorrow? I'll come with you; it would make a lot more sense, don't you think?"  "I do, but Uncle Richard insisted. I guess they are having some kind of inspection tomorrow."   "Does the paint affect that somehow?"  "I don't know Jenny, I'm not building the house, he is." Jenny was getting more aggravated by the minute. "Are you sure about that? I have never met your Uncle Richard. Every time I've come out to the house with you, he's been out of town. But, I do remember giving you an opinion on almost everything to do with this house. We've  decided on the flooring, the tiles, the window coverings, countertops, fixtures and the paint colors, if you will remember!"

Taking a deep breath, in her frustration, she continued, "Jenny, you said, 'Your opinion is invaluable; stainless or what about this black? Should it be side by side? And this washing machine.... notice these features, what do you think would work best?'  We decided on all the plantings in the yard, even the design. When you think about it, this entire house is our taste, yours and mine. The furniture we picked out for Uncle Richard is arriving next week. We could move in and be perfectly comfortable.........I mean." She embarrassed herself. "I mean...ummm.."  

Thad turned off the engine and pulled the brake, they had arrived. 

"Jenny, do you think we would be happy living here?" Thad didn't have that usual playfulness about him. She answered, "Yes, it's beautiful. The layout is perfect. It's an ideal house to grow in...you know, kids and all..."  She trailed off, feeling awkward. Somehow, the more uncomfortable she felt, the more Thad seemed at ease.

Her mind was so full of their conversation that Jenny jumped a little
when Thad opened her car door and offered her his hand. As they walked to the front door, Jenny thought how nice her bed would feel right now. Tempted to feel grumpy, she resisted. Thad's Uncle must mean a great deal to him, and if it was important to Thad, that should be enough.      

Forty five minutes later, after painstakingly going through each room in the house, discussing each color, giving her opinion on how she thought it had turned out, they made it, finally, to the kitchen.

She noticed a lantern on the floor in the great room, just beyond the kitchen.Walking over for a closer look, because she couldn't make it out in the dim light, she saw Twister all laid out. The spin board sat to one side and a tray complete with popcorn, cherry coke, and M&M's. Even the glasses were the ones they had used that first night.

From behind her, she heard, "Left hand, blue." Jenny looked at the mat and setting on one blue dot was a tiny blue box. Thad, picked up the box, opened it, and asked, "May I have your left hand for the rest of our lives?" Jenny, as expected, was crying a river. Thad had, indeed, learned to tell the difference and he confidently knew these tears to be happy tears. On a second blue dot was another box, a bigger box.... of tissue. He handed her a few. She dabbed at her tears with her right hand, while Thad slid the ring onto her left.  "Oh, Jenny, I just couldn't imagine life without you."

"You can't? I'm so glad, me either."  Thad kissed her as he had never kissed her before.

A small light dawned for Jenny. She pulled away and asked, 
"Thad, am I ever going to meet your Uncle Richard?"  "Me, I don't have an Uncle Richard."  "Thaddeus, whose house is this that we are standing in?"  He pointed to yet another box....this one on a yellow dot. Jenny opened it to find a carved wooden sign...it read "The Hollingsworth Family" Jenny looked up to see Thad sprouting wings. "That's your wedding present, my brown eyed girl."  "My what?!!"  Jenny gasped.  "Our parents have helped a lot. Your brother, Scott, designed it and, of course, your dad and mom have been making it a reality with their talents." 

"My parents have added to the inheritance my grandfather left me and I have been saving for years. It means we won't have a mortgage. It's ours!! Welcome to your new home!" Jenny stood, stunned, utterly speechless.

She slowly turned, looking at the room, taking it in with completely fresh eyes. Her new ring glinted in the lantern light as she traced the name carved into the wood with her fingers. She then realized that there was something else in the box. She lifted them out to find several smaller versions of the sign and held them in her hand, but they were blank. 

She looked up at Thad, now standing just in front of her. 
He answered the question he saw in her eyes."This sign says family. I wanted to be ready for what may come. You see, these tiny holes? Thad held out his hand revealing a small bag; they will hang just under the main sign. These little hooks connect them together." Jenny steadied her heart and racing thoughts; it was quite a bit to take in, all at once.

She looked at him, again, "You orchestrated all of this, gesturing with a sweeping hand...you must have been planning this for months..working like a dog to finish our book, building a house for us, having it ready to this point, on the night of our book launch ..all, right under my nose!!"

"You remembered everything about that first night, the Twister game and popcorn, every detail. Lying to me, all this time, fabricating an uncle, all this time!!" Feeling a bit nervous, Thad said, "I am guilty of all that, yes."  

Jenny set the box in her hands down carefully. He watched, presently unsure of how she was feeling. She thrust her arms out and twirled around in circles; her dress flaring out. 

Giving Thad the surprise of his life, with a running start, she flew into his arms, squealing,"Thad, I think you are absolutely the most wonderful, thoughtful man I have ever known!" She kissed him in a manner that made him weak in the knees. "Jenny, I am so relieved that you are pleased. I thought you might be mad. I did lead you down the garden path. My dad mentioned that most women would not be okay with what I've done." "Thaddeus James Hollingsworth, I am not most women, I am your woman!" Thad reached down and picked her up, spinning her about, neither one of them could imagine being any happier.

What May Come Part 5

The next morning, the day greeted them with the snow falling, but the wind had ceased its relentless roar. It was just after 10:00 a.m. when Thad emerged from his temporary bedroom. The day before had been taxing, so he decided to let sleep claim him for as long as it desired.....no alarm to answer today.

His nose led him to the kitchen where he found Jenny stirring a pitcher of orange juice. The muffins that were baking filled the apartment with an extraordinary aroma. It had been the motivation that Thad required to be coaxed to leave his bed. That was Jenny's specific intention, however she would never tell him. Now, he had his head in the oven; "Oh, blueberry muffins.....love 'em."

As Jenny stood, continuing to stir the lumps out of the orange juice, Thad moved close, slipping his arm around her waist and ever so gently kissing her cheek. "Good morning," he whispered in her ear. "Good morning."  Pausing, she took a deep breath to steady her heart, willing it not to leave her chest. "Did you sleep well, Thad?" "I did, in fact, I'm not sure if I've ever slept better in my life."  "That good, huh? Well, I'm glad."

"And yourself?" Thad wondered aloud. "Me? Yes, after yesterday, I probably would have slept soundly on a cement floor, but I had the privilege of sleeping in my own bed, unlike you, so yes, I slept great."  "What can I do to help?"  "Um, I was about to make omelettes."  Thad said, "Okay, I'm on it."  As he opened the door to the fridge, she handed him the pitcher of orange juice and he placed it on the shelf.  He began collecting the ingredients he needed; eggs, cheese, avocado, tomato, green onion, and bacon.

Jenny lifted the muffins from the oven, setting them on the back of the stove. A woman known for being well ordered and in control, though she was undeniably a world class weeper, she gladly relinquished her kitchen. Pulling up a bar stool, she sat back and watched as Thad masterfully chopped, whipped, and mixed all the extras into phenomenal omelettes. 

As they sat at the table eating and enjoying every bite in comfortable silence, Thad broke into it with, "What should we do today? I thought maybe a picnic or a little kite flying."  Jenny fained disappointment, "To tell you the truth, I had my heart set on a day at the beach."  "Okay, that could work, I'm flexible."  Jenny generously offered, "I even have a bikini you can wear." "Yeah, well, not that flexible." Their little game took their thoughts and then themselves to the sliding glass door in the living room. Thad pulled back the curtain.

An eerie stillness cloaked the scene before them. Not a car 
or a living soul moved. Perfect silence, perfect emptiness. 
Everything in sight was heavy laden under several feet of snow. 

Thad released the linen from his fingers and the curtain dropped back into place as they returned to their breakfast. They finished wordlessly and then did the dishes together in the same fashion.

Thad turned to hang the dish towel; when he turned back, Jenny slid herself into his arms. She nestled her head into his chest as a tear slowly fell from her cheek. Thad wrapped his arms around her, then rested his chin on her head. He did not dislike holding her close; it was a magnificent feeling. However, after twenty minutes, he decided to address her concern. He understood what she was feeling, it had hit him as well, but it was a new day and they were both there to see it.

In a soft voice Thad spoke "Jenny, you were there and I am perfectly fine, completely safe, because of you!"  Jenny lifted her face toward Thad's. Her cheeks were wet with tears, eyes red, and mascara smudged, giving her a raccoon like appearance. Her nose was running. Thad scooped her up like a child and set her on the couch as he grabbed a nearby tissue box so she could blow her nose.

"I see right now that I will benefit greatly from investing in this company."  He tapped his finger on the box. "You are a crier...all your feelings seem to leak out your eyes." 

She was beginning to pull herself together. "I can't deny it, I cry when I am happy or sad, and sometimes when I'm angry."  Thad's expression told her he was puzzled..."What?" Jenny asked. "Well, how am I supposed to know which is which?"  To this she laughed a laugh that filled the air with music. "Believe me, Thad, you will know. I'm sorry, but it struck me that if I hadn't gone for my mail you might be...."

"Oh, my sweet, sweet, brown eyed girl, as it turns out, you did and here I am. Listen carefully, darlin', it's of no use crying over what might have been, bad or good. Be present, live in the moment you are in. Don't let the past rob you of anything."

"Wise man Thaddeus, you are right, here you are, here we are, together. Silly of me to let tears flow when a smile and a grateful heart are the order of the day.

"Now, Jenny, let's make a plan together. We are seriously not going anywhere for a while, so let's use our time well."  "What do you have in mind?"  "Isn't there a story that needs illustrated around here somewhere?"  A smile nearly bigger than her lips could contain, broke free and completely excused the tears from her face. "We can work, yes, we can work! Let's see, where did we leave off?"

Thad thought momentarily, "The pond. Hey, do you have some paper I can put some rough sketches on?" Jenny went to the spare bedroom and returned quickly with two large sketch pads and a handful of sketching pencils. "Will this work for you?" Thad's eyes questioned.... how....why?  "I told you Scott is an architect, he has always drawn. Both my brothers have stuff here and I am so glad they do." Thad smiled as he reached to take the offered items.

He patted the couch, by way of invitation. "Sit down girl, let's get to it."  Jenny was clearly enthused; it was with this contagious energy they worked.

The day turned to night without the focused pair noticing. When they did, at last, they put their work aside. Jenny put a salad together, while chicken pies cooked in the oven. They ate on the couch watching "The Quiet Man". For a second night they said goodnight sweetly and parted for a good nights' sleep.

Thad and Jenny worked together seamlessly. 
They were discovering that they were a natural team.
After a few days of working from morning until night, they
had the layout completed.

The uninterrupted togetherness accelerated their rate of productivity enormously. They talked at length and decided they wanted to, from this time forward, work as a team. 

On the fifth day of their unplanned seclusion, Jenny got up to find Thad making breakfast, "Good morning, he smiled, 
welcome to your holiday."  "My what?" Jenny questioned.
"Well, we have been working non-stop with a terrific result, 
if I do say so myself." 

"Time to give us a break, so sit down, my lady, and relax. Your breakfast is served." She obeyed, eating the beautiful and delectable french toast he had prepared to perfection. Jenny said, under her breath, "Is there anything he can't do?"  "What was that?" Leaning forward to listen to what he had missed. "I said, what can't you do?" "Sit still, I struggle with doing nothing.....family trait." He flashed a smile and winked at her.

"I would like to meet them; they sound".....Thad laughed. "They sound loud when we are all together. Jenny, have you looked out the window today?" "No, why?"  "They are cleaning the street."

Jenny ran to the window, throwing the curtains open. Sure enough, they were cleaning the street. It hadn't snowed for two days and the thermometer was rising. It appeared that their cocoon like existence was coming to an end. 

Thad came to the window, slid his hands around her waist and spoke gently in her ear, "We got into this situation out of an emergency. We are coming out of it with each other. Is that not true?" Jenny put her hands on top of his, "Yes, that is wonderfully true. It's strange, I'm used to you being here; I like it. It's going to empty without you."  "You aren't going to be without me. I'm just not going to be sleeping over. To be honest, I am relieved that we will not be under the same roof, because I am having a dickens of a time behaving myself."  Jenny giggled, "I'm so glad! Let's just concentrate on getting the book out, spending time with other people and living a full life. Let's test what we think we have, then we will truly know."  Jenny spun around in his arms and declared, "To life!" She kissed him, hugged him and said with a joyful lilt, "I suppose it would be reasonable to have our first date. If you don't mind, I would prefer something outside."  "Agreed!"

The next morning the streets were cleared. People began the process of returning to their routines and business as usual; slowly, but it had begun. Thad was now free to go home. It was with reluctance that the two of them prepared to part company. "Now, you have my address and both my numbers. You already had my e-mail." As he put his coat on, he reminded her,"I will call you when I get home and don't forget, we have that meeting day after tomorrow with the editor." Jenny answered, "Yes, yes, yes, okay, and yes. I will miss you." She kissed Thad in a manner that caused him to wish he didn't have to go. But go he did. Back to his apartment. Back to his routine. Only nothing was routine anymore.