Watching a movie filled with romantic hopes, sentimental remembrances, and risky leaps of faith, I thought of my dad. Not because he was opposed to romance, he was in fact quite romantic. He didn't advertise it; many would be surprised to know it was true. You could ask my mom; she knew, she understood, and experienced this sweet, soft, side of him. My dad, the way he looked at my mom, smiled at her and held her hand.
The comfortable silences when being in the company of one another was the only requirement for contentment. No, he didn't advertise it, but I saw it and learned from it; the vital, foundational elements of friendship, relationship and love. I learned by observation the value of being there, with and for the other person, come what may, and it will. Sometimes on the current of gale force winds. Relationships worth maintaining are built to withstand the shaking and quaking life's journey will bring, never doubt the truth of it.
One of my earliest memories in life was my dad holding my hand and squeezing it. I remember the smile on his face, it was trimmed in sadness as his eyes brimmed with tears; he was making an effort to prevent them from spilling over. I was in my second year of life and we stood at the grave of my grandfather. We had brought my grandmother for a visit. Impactful, that squeeze of the hand and that smile of reassurance. I would be the recipient of both throughout my life, gaining comfort and strength to carry on.
My dad would take me on roller coasters when I was young and though they provided safety precautions to hold us in our seats, I held fast to my dad's massive arm and he held mine tightly in his. I did not trust the safety bars, but I knew he would never let me go.
And so we have come to the day of Valentine expectation; deep breath one and all. Is it the perfection of the card that said just the right thing at just the right moment? Or the grand display of flowers, the extravagant box of chocolate, or the kiss that curled your toes into a bow? OK, that last one is one that should happen everyday to everyone. But the rest, well I would say, pulling out your check list to see if he or she hit the mark and accordingly you deduct points or add them on the basis of performance is...is stupid, destructive and a bad choice. Get so busy sitting in the judgement seat you miss the moment you were in and before you know it, the life you could have been living. Lay down your emotional clipboard and look them...... those people you love in the eye, love them without restraint until you find a sparkle in the eyes looking back at you. Enjoy the flowers and the chance to be particularly romantically inclined, just remember it's not the end all, be all of relationship. Today is the wonderful chocolate covered cherry on top.
Today my mom will quietly remember Valentines past and
all the heart shaped days they, my parents, shared. Today I will confidently and sweetly rest in the knowledge that somewhere roaming this earth is a man with arms strong enough to hold me, a smile that will reassure me, and eyes that will shine as they gaze upon me, even through tears. My dad proved it possible, not through perfection, but with faithful, unwavering, love.
